Hope

I think about you less and less each day. The only thing that really triggers me to think about you is a song, a picture or when I hear your name.

I was walking to class today and listening to my ipod. It was on random, like always. And the song that came on brought tears to my eyes because it makes me think of you... the first lines are If that's the way you love You've got so much to learn If that's the way you say goodbye... Tears fell from my eyes on the way to class because you hurt me, you did me wrong and you are the only one who can't see that. And I think that hurts more than anything. You seem like you have lost your way, and I pray each day that you find it again. I hope things turn out better for you. Life is not supposed to be like that.

But I have hope. I know that I am slowly getting over you. For so long, I thought you were the one for me. I really did believe that. I was completely wrong. You aren't the one for me. And I can finally say that. It has taken me a long to say that out loud.

The guy for me... I haven't met him yet. And now I'm relying more on my God because He knows exactly what I need. I'm going to be okay.

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet.
-Michael Buble

The Perfect Day

I can say, with much confidence that yesterday was the perfect day.

Yesterday, Friday, November 13, 2009, I received my Fighting Texas Aggie Ring. I have been waiting four years for this day. And it could not have been any more perfect.

My parents and grandparents drove down from Dallas as well as my second parents, my best friend, and two other really close families to my family. I had eleven people drive in from Dallas to celebrate this day with me. It was really special.

My dad gave me my ring. It was so awesome for me to have my dad give me my ring. I think he thought it was special, too.

And then after I got my ring and took so many pictures, we had a party at the church with more friends and family to continue the celebration. I haven't smiled that much and like that in a very long time. It was so good to be surrounded by so many wonderful people celebrating me getting my Aggie ring.

For those Non-Ags, let me fill you in. Getting your Aggie Ring is a huge deal down here. Every Aggie Ring is the same as the very first ones that were given way back when. Every Aggie wears their ring and it connects what we like to call "THE AGGIE NETWORK". Everything on the ring has symbolic meaning.

If you are at all curious about this Aggie Ring and everything it means and holds... check out this website http://www.aggienetwork.com/ring/.

Anyway, yesterday was fantastic! I still cannot stop smiling!! This is definitely what I needed to keep me going through the rest of the semester.

It was here that our lives were forever changed, and loyalty to one another and to a cause greater than self filled our hearts.
--Phillip D. Adams, Class of 1970

Thank you to everyone that helped me get to this day and to my friends and family who were here to celebrate it with me. Love you all! Gig'em & God Bless!

Truth

Sometimes I wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, gray. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.

Today the truth came to me. I'm not really sure what to think of it now or what to do now. I guess I'm just trying to figure everything out still. It still hurts and I'm kinda worried about what dreams may come over the next few days and weeks because of this.

Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.

Life is pretty crazy when you think that sometimes it would have been better to be kept in the dark.. to just be able to believe the lies and go on believe that everything was real. That everything was true. That the feelings were mutual. But life doesn't really work that way. There aren't always happy endings and people don't always turn out to be the person you thought they were. The person they said they were.

And this time the truth was much more cruel than any lie you could have ever told me. But it's the truth. And I wanted to know it. And I got my answers. And now part of me wishes I could just go back and live in the lie. It was easier that way. I never asked for this. But here I am... back several steps and far from the place that I want to be.

Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness.

A Halloween Haunting

Have you ever had something in your past that you just can't shake off? My dreams last night were more like never ending nightmares that I still feel like I cannot shake, even though I am awake. I wish I could be like everyone else for once, and just accept this and move on. But I can't. I can't accept this. And I can't move on. And most days I can ignore it, or at least enough to not be thinking about constantly.

But I want answers. And the answers are there, but I just can't get to them. Not right now anyway. I can't keep letting this get to me. Everyone else doesn't care. But I still do.

I really don't know what to do. But this is real. And I gotta get past it eventually... I just don't know how.

21 Life Rules

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Many a man you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversation skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear. Spend all you have. Sleep all you want.
4. When you say "I love you," mean it.
5. When you say "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but its the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone ask you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21. Spend some time alone. Spend some time with God.
    

I haven't written on here in a while. But today requires documentation on how I feel and how I got through. Everyone has there own ways of dealing with life when it beats them down and beats them up. I have several ways that I deal but my favorite one is I make collages of all shapes, sizes and kinds. And today, when I don't really have what I need to make another one, I can look through the other ten that I have made and KNOW that I have been victorious before and I WILL BE VICTORIOUS AGAIN.

So what do these collages say? Let me share that magic with you....

• Conscience required! Do not wait for other people to change the world. The time is now. Do something.
• "You are the noblest of God's creations. His intent is that your life be gloriously beautiful regardless of your circumstances. As you are grateful and obedient, you can become all that God intends you to be." --Richard G. Scott
• "My love is deep enough to reach even you. You cannot fall past My love. You cannot outrun My love. You cannot reach the end of My love. It is wide and long and high and deep enough for you."
• a perfect storm.
• My friend, if I could give you one thing I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are.
• A good friend is a connection to life-a tie to the past, a road to the future, and the key to sanity in a totally insane world.
• Sometimes you gotta forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
• Knocked about
• waiting for a miracle
• Be a hero to your heart.
• What's your feel-good factor?
• John 16:33
• "Every struggle I faced was necessary because it made me a better person."
• Sometimes it's good to sit quietly and let happiness come to you.
• To make a difference in the world, you must first dare to be different.
• Life takes indulgence.
• Show them what you're made of.
• No one will have your dreams... pretty cool, isn't it?
• "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." -Psalm 32:7-8

And then one of the collages...my very favorite is a collage of bible verses. I have written them all out and these are the verses that get me through the dark days. Here they are...look them up if you want.

• 1 Corinthians 10:13
• Deuteronomy 6:4-7
• Ephesians 3:16-19
• Philippians 1:9-11
• Proverbs 3:5-6
• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
• 2 Corinthians 12:9
• 1 Timothy 4:12
• Philippians 1:3
• Isaiah 43:2
• 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
• Psalm 13:1-2, 5-6
• 1 Peter 4:13
• 2 Corinthians 4:18
• Zephaniah 3:17
• Romans 12:2
• James 1:2-3
• Acts 4:12
• Romans 5:1-5
• 1 Peter 1:6-7
• Isaiah 40:28-31

And then there is my favorite tv show...One Tree Hill... yes, it is a show that is unrealistic and childish maybe... but I own all six seasons. And what I love most about the show is the quotes that I get from it. Let me share a few that speak for themselves and for me right now.

Every once in awhile, people step up. They rise above themselves. Sometimes, they fall short. Life is funny sometimes; it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough, you find hope, in the words of children, in the bars of a song, in the eyes of someone you love…and if you’re lucky, I mean if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love, decides to love you back.

Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lies or is everything negotiable—left to interpretation, gray? Sometimes we are forced to bend the truth and transform it because we are faced with things not of our own making. And sometimes, things simply catch up to us.

Truth is still absolute, believe that, even if that truth is hard and cold and more painful than you have ever imagined, and even when truth is more cruel than any lie.

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life, a measure of time to be life-altering? Is it four years, like high school, one year, an eight-week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, a week or a single day? We are always in a hurry to grow up, to go place, to get ahead. But when you’re young, one hour can change your life.

If you haven't figured out... I love quotes and song lyrics. It lets me know that someone else has been where I have and felt what I have felt. Life is hard. It knocks you down sometimes. But you gotta find what it takes for you to stand back and push back.. these past weeks I have found the strength to push back. I never thought senior year would start off this hard.

And i'll leave you with a quote that I found last night....

Every lesson is a widening and deepening of consciousness. It is a stretching of the mind beyond its conceptual limits and a stretching of the heart beyond its emotional boundaries. It is a bringing of unconscious material into consciousness, a healing of past wounds, and a discovery of new faith and trust. -Paul Ferinni

Free to Be Me

At twenty years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see, 'cause...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause...

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring

But You look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe, even though...

And you're free to be you


That song is my theme song right now. It's called Free To Be Me by Francesca Battistelli. It's one of those roll down your windows and sing at the top of your lungs songs. I just absolutely love it!

I'm going back to College Station on Tuesday. And I can't wait! I'm looking forward to what is ahead this next semester for me. I am looking up at God for guidance and looking forward and around at my encouragement and those who pray for me and bless me daily.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -Hebrews 12:1-3

And that's where my strength is coming from--my cloud of witnesses and the joy of my Lord.


When you get a chance, check out Nehemiah 8:10. It's a great verse!

Crayon Box

Today we were at Target buying crayons to re-stock the classrooms at church. I love crayons! They make me happy and remind me of childhood and times of peace.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on crayons. If you could be any color in a box of crayons, what color would you be and why?

And are you sharpened? Are you being used everyday? Are you allowing yourself to be sharpened by others or the environment and blessing around you?

I would like to be something bright and sharpened, but still be used every day.

Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. So when I meet someone who's an 8-color box type, I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing... and I'm like, "no! I want magenta!!" ((John Mayer))

Who I Am and Where I'm Headed

Howdy! My name is Samantha, and welcome to my blog. I've wanted to do this for a while, but just didn't feel I had the time to do it. But now I do. For those of you who don't know me, I am a senior at Texas A&M University studying Special Education. I love my school and my area of study. I have such a great passion for children, especially the ones that the rest of the world seems to overlook. I have a great family and awesome friends. I wouldn't be where I am today without those people behind me.

Most importantly, I have a relationship with God which has gotten me through thick and thin. And I have so much passion to work with children in the church as well as in a school setting. I have been working with them the past two summers and absolutely love it!

As I enter my senior year of college, there are many exciting times in my future (which is one reason I wanted to start the blog). I have several dreams that I am aiming for, but those may come out later.

I'm just excited to be able to finally start. Here are some quotes/verses that I live by...


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
this is the power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power in hell, no scheme of man,
can ever pluck me from His hand.
Till He returns or calls me home,
here in the power of Christ I'll stand. -In Christ Alone

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. -John 16:33

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. -1 Cor. 15:58


Have a great day! Be blessed and smile! Thanks and gig'em!! :D