It's Been a Long Time

I haven't written in here in over a year... I'm kinda disappointed in myself. But it's okay, because I have written in many other places besides this blog.

The reason that I felt the urge to write today is because I am not quite sure why I continue to watch chick flicks. They make me feel things sometimes that I don't want to feel... but sometimes they say the things I need to hear the most.


Dear Claire, What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will. All my love, Juliet


Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around.

I'm ready for eventually. For someday. I'm tired of feeling so out of place. For waiting to feel like I did so long ago. There are days that it seems like you never cross my mind, and then there are days that come out of nowhere that thoughts of you haunt me. Will they ever go away? Everyone says that another guy will come someday. Well, when??

My cousin sends me quotes and these are the ones that, today, hit home closer than...

Your first love is going to be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to you, because you've never had your heart broken, you're not cautious, you love with all your heart like nothing can go wrong, but when it does, you're hurt worse than you could ever imagine and from then on you protect yourself from ever feeling that way again, but you never forget that person, your first love, because they're the only person you didn't hold anything back from, and that's something you just never completely let go of.

So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. You do the things you used to be against, you date the people you thought you never would, and you befriend the people you used to hate. You'll learn what it's like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you, and to feel as if everything is really falling apart. There will be times your life seems so absolutely horrible it feels like it's not real. Despite all this, good things will come too. You'll make the most amazing friends that will be there for you even when they probably shouldn't. Your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you've ever met, and just as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. There will be the days you are so happy, and the days that you feel like dying. Drama happens, gossip goes around, and people talk. Maybe this is just the younger years, maybe it's life, or maybe this is just what growing up is.

When the broken hearts are mended and the many tears are dried, you learn. When you're over the old boyfriends and you realize that you can live without your first love, you learn. You see that the world doesn't end just because you think it will, and that sometimes growing up means letting go. You learn what real love is, and you begin to see that one friend who really cares is better than a hundred friends who don't. You learn that you can be strong, take each step-by-step, and survive every sad moment. So feel the pain and cry the tears, go out and experience life. But when you're at the end of your rope, and you're ready to jump off that ledge, remember that heartache fade, pain subsides, and though life seems at times too tough to handle, it's also too precious a gift to waste. Keep on living, never give up, and remember...as you grow, you learn.

The thing I love most about quotes is reading it and knowing that someone else has felt the same way I am feeling right now. How special is that! It gives me hope.

I don't want anyone that is reading this to think that everything in my life is awful and depressing right now. It's not, not at all. I just got a new teaching job in the middle of the year. I am living a 20 year old dream everyday that I go to work. I am finally doing what I went to college to learn about and do these past four years. I am starting a new chapter in my book of life and I'm very excited about what's to come in the career aspect of my life.

Here's to someday...